However, yesterday I had the rare pleasure of supporting those horrible bastards. Simply because they were playing the magnum opus of hated teams. The pinnacle of twatfulness. The apex of cunthood. Liverpool.
I've pretty much always hated Liverpool, but never with the utter ferocity that I loathe them with now. Mostly it was because of matches like the infamous 4-3, where that powerhouse of domestic abuse, Stan Collymore came close to making me rip the TV off the wall in the Duke of Wellington and try to end my own life by swallowing it whole. No mean feat, when you consider that TVs were all CRT in those days. None of this ultra thin LED malarky. Also, I hate the smug sense of entitlement that the fans have always seemed to possess, since their heyday in the 70/80s. Furthermore, the way you can hear their stupid scouse accents when they sing that 'Steve Gerrard Gerrard' song really winds me up. STEEEVE GEDAAAAAAAD GEDAAAAAAD. Ugh.
Somehow, they've managed to make it possible for me to hate them even more. You all know how. That horrible, orthodontists wet dream Suarez racially abused Patrice Evra. Suarez was then found guilty of said racial abuse. He even admitted that he'd called him Negrito a bunch of times, claiming that in Uruguay it's a term of endearment. Then the classy, bindipping, Liverpool fans showed their remorse and regret by booing Evra all the way through the match, chanting 'there's only one lying bastard' at him and doing impressions of monkeys at him. At the end of the match, that horrible apologist for racism, KKKenny Dalglish went out of his way to praise the fans attitude. Steven Gerrard then went on to do the same thing, pigeonholing the entire ordeal as 'banter'.
None of the commentary team even mentioned the utter caning that Evra was receiving, either. Although last night during the Liverpool/Spurs match, they were quick to point out that Suarez was on the receiving end of some 'you know what you are' chants from the away Spurs contingent. Boo fucking hoo.
That melted Madame Tussaud's waxwork Harry Redknapp couldn't make the flight from Landan to Liverpool because of technical difficulties. Given time, I'm sure he could have constructed a papier mache one using the 12 million blank P60s he has stored in his safe at home, but his trusty canine friend ran out of spit after making the first cockpit window. "Fackin' ell, Rosie, you useless cant. Apples and facking pears". Apparently several other flights were delayed, too after reports came flying in that Bagpuss, clearly suffering from cataracts was standing on a runway kicking a bulldog in the head and screaming "I WILL SLOICE YOUR CHEVY ROIGHT AP MOI SAN" at an aeroplane technician, while asking his accompanying lawyer if Nintendo Wii games were tax deductable.
As far as the match goes, it was pretty uneventful and shite. Although I was hoping that Spurs would absolutely decimate Liverpool in front of their baying fans, they didn't manage it. Which, although not perfect, it made the transition to immediately hating them again, that much easier. Thanks, you useless bell ends.
The greatest player in the UNIVERSE, Gareth Bale played shite. He had a 1v1 with Reina and absolutely bottled it. He did nowt else all game. Carroll played shite too. My own choice for 'Man of the Match' would have been Michael Dawson. I thought he had a solid game filling in for the missing Younes Kaboul. Kaboul couldn't play because he was apparently doing PR work for his upcoming Wrestlemania match with John Cena.
Of course, Scott Parker won 'Man of the Match'. He wins it every week, regardless of whether or not he's actually playing. he's just that good. Intertoto cup, bitches. that's how he rolls all day, every day. He does more graft than Suarez's toothbrush. Speaking of Suarez, Parker took his boot in the stomach like a man. In Uruguay, kicking people full force in the stomach with football boots on is a sign of holding someone in the highest regard, possible. Lucky you, Scotty.
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